I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
