I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
