Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
