Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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