I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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