How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
