Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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