i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
