Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
