I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
