The maid of honor just puked.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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