I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
