"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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