I hate your face
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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