Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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