i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
