Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
