my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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