How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
