Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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