New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
