i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You left your phone here
Wait...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
