He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
