Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
