update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
