apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
