I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
there is glitter all over my balls
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