Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
