This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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