My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
