...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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