last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
