Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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