Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
