I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
