Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
