last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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