oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
