That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
