I wish I could teleport
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
PANTIES FOUND
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
