Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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