Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
