My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
