i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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