he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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