Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
