Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
