: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
