I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
