i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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