tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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