I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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